I entered a toilet full of noisy, dirty 4-5 year old kids today. They looked like they had just finished playing soccer or something, as there were puddles all over the floor and dirt strewn all over the place. They were so engrossed in their washing up that I was struggling to even enter the toilet, as they didn’t want to budge from standing in front of the door.
I managed to sneak into the nearest cubicle in the small, cramped toilet, and as I was approached by one of the boys as I opened the cubicle door. With innocence glazed over his eyes and a whimpering voice, he asked “how to wear?”. He was trying to put on his grey polo t-shirt, but couldn’t seem to put it on as it was not unbuttoned at the collar. I, calmly, took him through - step by step - by putting the shirt through both his arms, and then unbuttoning the collar button before slotting it through his neck. He didn’t thank me, but it didn’t matter - the vulnerability in his asking of a need had won me over.
If only vulnerability were such an common sight in our lives today. We all could use a little bit more of coming undone in front of each other these days. I learnt so much from a young kid today.
“I believe, however, that pitches are won — and people are willing to follow you — not because you’ve twisted someone’s arm, but because people see that you understand them, that you’ve applied the time and the sensitivity to do so, and that you possess a special gift that can help them reach their heart’s desire. And that, my friends, is priceless.”
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This is from an article written by Kevin Allen, the mastermind behind Mastercard’s ‘Priceless’ ad campaign. Don’t you think that this ‘Pitch Theory’ applies to how we should treat our relationships in life?
We win people over only when we take the “time” and are “sensitive” enough to understand where they are coming from. It’s so much easier to judge them through our own (tainted) lenses and twist their arm, in order to get our own way, but this will never be the way to win the ‘Relationship Pitch’.
I also believe that when you win people over, and you get to enjoy a meaningful and deeply impactful relationship - this is truly priceless. You cannot seemingly put a price on these life-giving relationships.
Your friends will change a lot over the next four years. Let them.
Ben Jones
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Recently, a formerly close friend of mine from my secondary school emailed me out of the blue. Essentially, he wanted to apologise for us drifting apart, and for not upholding his part of the friendship. He also mentioned that our friendship was something that is still precious to him, up till today, in spite of us not speaking in years.
Losing people in life is always difficult isn’t it?
One thing that I have to really learn is fighting for my friendships with more tenacity. It’s so much easier to give up and throw in the towel when relationships get rough. I don’t want the closest people to me become “somebod[ies] that I used to know”. I want them to be “somebod[ies] that I need to know”.
It’s hard sometimes to live for eternity; as your myopia shuts the everlasting out, and your pathetic viewfinder being only able to process deadlines, parties and really stuff-that-don’t-matter. I seem to always question myself: What am I actually doing for people? Am I loving people more every day?
Whilst multi-tasking on the train today, i finally figured out why I would miss work - my internship at Hill + Knowlton - from time to time, despite me enjoying whatever i’m studying and the experiences i’m immersed in right now.
As much as I like discovering about the world in lectures and tutorials; sharpening my critical thinking skills and exposing myself to various schools of thought, work really enables one to put what you had learnt into practice. There is simply no use in hoarding all that knowledge like a reservoir and not being able to channel it to make change and impact society and the world.
But the thing that really strikes a raw nerve about missing work about be the almost instant gratification you get when you complete a task, or when you get commended for handing in good work or you see tangible results. You attain a sense of elation and satisfaction quite often, and it keeps you going - it keeps you happy. This is sometimes sadly starkly contrasted with my ministry in church, whereby many a times you invest so much in a person’s life - as you try your darnest to give of yourself - yet nothing seems to be moving, nothing transformed. There are times that shove you to a breaking point, as the doors of one’s heart are locked, unperturbed.
However, I made a decision today. A decison that whenever I miss work, I will remind myself that any work I endeavour upon should never be task-oriented or result-oriented, but people-oriented.
Focus on people in all things, because people matter.
8 Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves, for the rights of all who are destitute. 9 Speak up and judge fairly; defend the rights of the poor and needy.
Proverbs 31:8-9
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I really hope that one day i’ll be able to do this, to do something larger than myself, whereby my life should not be about taking (like in materialism), but about the giving of myself and my gifts/talents. I believe that the purpose of possessing influence is to speak up for those without influence.
I’m gonna turn 22 this year, and it seems that relationships - the falling in and out of it - seems to be on the lips of every person around me these days. One topic that will always come up will be love, and the notions of it.
After weaving and out of these talks, i’ve come to realise, more fully, that one really needs to come fully into himself, before committing to a long term relationship. One thing i do not not stand for are relationships made out of fun, flings and fantasies, because hearts are real, and it is not all that easy to mend them.
In life, one really needs to learn about his strengths and his weaknesses, his special qualities (the things that make you who you are) and what he’s made of. The most crucial part is one working on and settling his/her achilles’ heel. I believe that everyone has a major flaw that haunts him/her for pretty much his/her entire life - it could be unforgiveness in the past that still creeps into the present often enough, huge emotional dependency issues, pride that cripples one’s vision, etc. In Christianity, this is the very piece of ourselves that the devil attacks, especially since therein lies our calling.
If we do not deal with our achilles’ heel/s, whereby we do not learn how to manage it properly, we will bring such baggage into our relationships, and everybody then suffers for it.
Yes, we’re supposed to share weal and woe, and grow in this journey that is life, but i firmly believe that one truly needs to learn about oneself, and what it truly means to be single, before one is ready to learn how to hold someone else’s hand.
i hope that one day, i’ll never need to find new books to read, new songs to sing, new places to discover, because meeting you everyday will be one of wide-eyed adventure, where you make everything new - fresh, like drawing the curtains on a bright sunday morning.
